Harassment in the workplace

Our stories

Harassment in the workplace takes many forms and doesn’t need to be ‘one big thing’ to be harassment. Our stories show it can be the little things, as well the big, that add up and make the difference on how women feel about being at work.

“Watch what you do with that banana, lest we get sinful in here” - a direct quote from someone whom I considered a friend in the office. I have a personal faith, so it felt awful on many levels.

I was new to the project team and attending a customer event.
Someone came over to me and said “your people offended me when I was on holiday” I was so shocked I froze, I decided to take the high road and said, “I’m sorry I’m not sure what you’re speaking about but I’m sorry to hear that”.

I was new to the office: I felt targeted, by one person in particular, asking me questions about other women’s appearances. It made me feel quite intimidated and uncomfortable, but I didn’t know if it was just their way of trying to be friends.

I’ve been told that I don’t look like an engineer and have had a lot of comments based on my appearance.

“You’re a pretty woman, you’re going to get people that don’t know how to interact with you because it’s a rarity. There just aren’t a lot of women around, particularly young women.”

People would start putting their hands on my back, would sit really close to me or loom over me. Why do they always put their hand on your waist when they’re trying to get past, I’ve never done that to a woman.

I was sharing with my team how I thought it was funny that you had to touch your toes in the medical assessment for our role. No-one else had to. I’m looking around the room with the sinking feeling you get when you think you’re sharing a funny joint experience but you realise it wasn’t.

I always start talking about these things with “thankfully it’s not that bad for me” but I shouldn't be thankful that I've only had these few experiences. I shouldn't have had any.

I was pushed by a manager until I disclosed details about a sensitive topic. They never actioned anything, so I’m pretty sure they were just being nosey and wanted the gossip.

Our reflections

Often our instincts are to laugh it off or try and flee the situation as quickly as possible rather than to confront it or call it out when it happens. Only after the fact do we think about that.

Making split decisions in the moment whether to engage in the comment or try to ignore it can set the tone for the rest of your relationship with that person or your entire team.

Our initial reactions are often confusion and self-doubt rather than anger or upset. Doubt about if we’ve misunderstood or misinterpreted a situation or somehow caused the harassment by something we’ve done: making too much eye contact or being too friendly.

It can be exhausting always feeling like you’re the one who has to educate those around you as to what’s appropriate or not. I’ve not always wanted anything to be done about it when there have been cases of workplace harassment and that was what was right for me at that point in time.

Sometimes these scenarios feel very black and white and it feels easy to say something wasn’t right, and sometimes it feels very much in the grey-area. It’s why it’s so important to be able to talk and get a second opinion. 

Fundamentally, we want people to like us, so I find it really hard to stand up for myself and invite conflict, but if it happens to someone else then I feel much more able to speak up for them.

My experiences around workplace harassment are so dependent on
who I’ve been able to raise it with and how they’ve dealt with it. Obviously it shouldn’t be so changeable but whoever you disclose it
to really does have the power to make you feel valued and empowered or to feel silly and small. I’ve had both ends of the spectrum unfortunately.

It can really depend who you’re talking to as to what reaction you’ll get to disclosing something that’s happened to you. Sometimes you think it was just something small and they’ve said ‘that’s a big problem’, sometimes it’s the opposite.